being a sensitive artist · Being Creative

The Excitement Theory: when you are lost


I hate and I like my 3d animation class. It really feels like Rocket Science and what should take a shorter time always takes forever. I am grateful most of my homework is done during the day when the kids have school because my language at the computer becomes very…colorful. The guy who wrote the manual for the class is a psychopath who wants readers to dive into the book for the first few chapters and THEN he explains simple steps on what is in this tool or that. He teaches in a way that is backwards from what I need. My teacher, God love him, understands the book full-heartedly and speaks his language. He doesn’t see the dilemma. The book skips super simple basic steps and then expects my exercises to look the same. It doesn’t. See below.

The part I like? I do like the challenge of trying to conquer the book. My brain needs to bite down into something or it tends to reel around itself causing me great angst at 3 a.m. in the morning. The conclusion of all this is I probably won’t be a 3d animator. It’s not path. That seems to be a clear direction or indicator there unless I want to fund headache research with the amount of Tylenol I buy.

Screen Shot 2017-09-25 at 3.14.41 PM

So far this looked good. We had to make a cartoon hand with very specific instructions.

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My finished cartoon hand. Yes, I am brutally aware that my cartoon hand looks like he is giving the finger. Thank you to Ben for pointing this out. Subliminally, I think I expressed what I was really feeling. But hey, the thumb looks very Micky Mouse-y, which I dig.

Which brings me to the most important lesson. By experiencing what you don’t like, you become much closer to the path meant for you. That’s direction!


I don’t like crafts but I do like to paint. Follow painting.

I love designing from a simple idea. I can see a halloween-like birdcage (today shopping in Michael’s) and think, “Omg! I can make a drawing of an unusual bird for that. And it would have a goth feeling to it. And tiny black trees everywhere. And then make it move up in down in the cage…” Note my excitement. Design that bird.

On the other hand, I don’t like crafts. I don’t want to copy the watercolor technique of Jane Davenport even though she does have a cool whimsical flair she is making boo-coo bucks on. Those styrofoam houses are cute but I’m bored with the designs. I don’t want to collect all the Halloween miniatures and make a display in my kitchen. There’s no ideas there I can jump off. I need to follow more designing.

The problem becomes when you try to convince yourself you like something. Or, that something would be good for you, like my 3d class. I think if I had one of those engineer minds and was one of those people who like to take the dishwasher apart just to see how it works, this would be for me. Wouldn’t it be great if I could do 3d designs in my work? my husband tells me. Yes, it would really cool, but to get to that place I am afraid my head will explode and that will be very messy for all involved. If I can just get a B in the class and not put an ax to my computer, I will be happy.

I will let you in on a teeny tiny secret I am learning now. Ready?

I get most off path when I think I need to follow what others want. Wow, I really like when you write about XYZ. So I write more about XYZ but meanwhile, I’m really excited lately about making an animated playhouse for the Idea Emporium. I just went off path.

Screen Shot 2017-09-23 at 3.40.08 PM

If you gave an online class about being sensitive again, I’d buy it. Crap. I’ve been thinking and wanting to make a zine lately. About being authentic. It’s tickling at me, but I am wondering if anyone would buy it. But maybe I should create what they want instead, but that’s not what is coming through me right now.

Excitement Theory

Deep down I do believe that what has your spark, your enthusiasm, your excitement right now has this cool, registering energy that people pick up. It’s you on your very specific yellow brick road. They react to it. It’s kinda like a new haircut you are excited about and now you are feeling all confident and buzzing and everyone likes your pic on the Facebooks.

And what if they don’t get excited? Ah, indeed. That’s what I am grappling with. I think that’s when you have to have a little faith, a little trust, that the theory that what gives you the most excitement and turns you on is for you. I need to stand by it. I need to at least test drive that for awhile. I could be very wrong, but at least I am enjoying the journey along the way.

What do you think? Have you tried this theory? Does this resonate with you,

Until next Blog Tuesday as I contemplate making this zine, and definitely making a dark goth playhouse for Reg…


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